The Meeting [Open to itstillhurt]

[earth_imperial]

In the uncertain remnants of the Earth Kingdom - then the Earth Empire and now...now a nascent Republic - the name Kuvira provoked deeply divergent views. For some, she was a traitor. Oh, not for leading an attempt to reunite all the Earth Kingdom's former territories through terrible violence - but for betraying it. For giving it up, for saying she had been wrong. Then there were those who grumbled about how, after all the violence and lives lost, she'd clearly used her family connections to avoid a lifetime in deep, dank cell or a hangman's noose.

Then there was the third group, which thought she'd done the right thing, and were ready to forgive her.

Most of that third group was situated in the towering metal city of Zaofu - seat of the Beifongs. It hadn't been the most welcoming to Azula, for oh so many reasons. Deep suspicion accompanied the entire enterprise - were it not for letters from the Avatar, she might have been turned away.

But, finally, with more than a little concern - she was brought into a small room. It wasn't much of anything, but it was better than a prison cell, certainly. There was a bed, a desk, a bookshelf - not much across the board. The woman at the desk, however, turned as she entered, frowning in confusion.

She stood up, wearing khaki slacks and a green, sleeveless shirt.

"Can...I help you?"

Behold, Kuvira. Once the mightiest warlord in the known world. Now, living a life of house imprisonment.

Comments

[itstillhurt]

Somehow, she has a feeling Kuvira was telling the truth, even before she checks the letter herself- though, she does anyway.

Which only made it more frustrating. She doesn't like being read, and Kuvira has done a frustratingly thorough job of defying all attempts at deflecting her attention, distracting her, upsetting her, or misleading her.

That's the focus and will of the would-be dictator, she supposes. Why that focus and will is being spent on her is another question. She hands the letter back, summoning the projected smirk again.

"Well. Since she didn't share my answer, I suppose I'll have to tell you what I told her- this idea that there's some better person inside me begging to be set free is absolute nonsense."

[earth_imperial]

She laughed a bit, shaking her head.

"How in the hell would you actually know?" she asked. "You've been propagandized and groomed into being a weapon since you were, what, able to walk? But no, please," here she actually laughed a bit, skeptically, "explain to me how you can speak with such certainty."

[itstillhurt]

That certainly raises hackles, and she narrows her eyes at Kuvira.

"Maybe you're not giving me enough credit for self-awareness."

Which, even in her mind, sounded defensive and difficult to believe. Ugh. She scowls down at her bandaged hand.

"...I've tried, you realize. To be... ordinary. To deal with people as equals, rather than letting the power of my reputation speak for me."

[earth_imperial]

"Tell me about that, then," she replied, calmly. "I'll leave aside the fact that people are your equals, and once you accept that, you'll do better. I'll also leave aside the fact that you're somewhere where you don't have to have any reputation at all."

[itstillhurt]

"No reputation at all?" She scoffs. "The looks your family gave me when I came in make me suspect that ship has sailed."

She's not particularly looking forward to revisiting that trip to Ember Island, but she's got nowhere else to try and direct the conversation, and so far Kuvira has proven frustratingly resistant to the tactic anyway.

"It wasn't much of a story. During the war, my brother and I, along with two of our friends-"

The word 'friends' carries a hint of bitterness despite her best efforts.

"-went to Ember Island, and I chose not to reveal my status to the locals. Call it an experiment, if you like."

[earth_imperial]

"The strange firebender, here mysteriously to see me? Pretty sure that would draw their attention. They're worried enough about vengeful assassins as it is."

But as she listens to the rest, she merely gestures for Azula to continue.

[itstillhurt]

That... was something she hadn't considered. She'd assumed that the animosity was a matter of who she was. The idea that they were nervous about any stranger coming to see Kuvira... made sense, but surely the Fire Nation wasn't as likely a source of threats as the embittered Earth Kingdom. She had come from Republic City, she supposed.

As to her story... She hadn't wanted to continue. She really hoped 'there wasn't much of a story' would put her off. But she didn't have a persuasive response that wouldn't be revealing anyway, and deflections weren't an option here. Finally, she decided that just getting it over with was her best option.

"Even without knowing who I was- even when I made no attempt to intimidate, manipulate, or command them- they still treated me like..." She hesitated, but there was no other way to phrase it. "Like a monster. Worse, even, because I no longer exercised power over them."

[earth_imperial]

The Republic City that Kuvira had, latterly, tried to destroy. She had many enemies there.

"And what happened the next time?" she asked, simply.

[itstillhurt]

"I didn't try again after that. I'm a fast learner, I rarely need lessons repeated."

She tries to make that sound neutral, tries to keep the frustration and bitterness out of her voice, but she knows it failed. She's beginning to tire of these lapses, these moments of weakness that conversations like this seem to evoke in her.

"Even if I were so inclined, trying to be something else was never an option."

[earth_imperial]

She's silent for a very long moment, then shakes her head.

"You learned the wrong one. Social skills don't just happen. People won't like you right away, no matter who you are - and I think you need to ask yourself why you never tried again."

[itstillhurt]

"I conquered the most heavily defended city in the world by talking."

Rrgh. Defensive again, too defensive. She tries to force her voice to be neutral again as she continues.

"A lack of social finesse isn't the problem."

[earth_imperial]

"No, the problem is you attempted a break out from the role that had been prepared for you, met with embarrassment and failure, and then retreated back into said role, and didn't try again."

Laid out with the bluntness of a true military commander.

[itstillhurt]

The bluntness only meets with another harsh sneer.

"The role of a monster," she reiterates bitterly. "You're doing little to dissuade me of my original assessment."

[earth_imperial]

Well, that's an interesting turn.

"Interesting choice of word," she said. "Not one I used, either." She tilted her head.

"I believe I described your role as being a constructed weapon, a tool of your father. Curious that you were more direct. Did you...enjoy hurting people?"

[itstillhurt]

"Of course I did, everybody used to know that. Did that part not make it into the biographies?"

The flippant response is immediate, almost instinctive.

[earth_imperial]

"Some of them. The question is - do you believe you're a monster?"

[itstillhurt]

"What a ridiculous question. Everybody who knows me does."

It's not an answer, of course, and she's not sure why she doesn't feel like saying it directly, but something about the question makes her... testy.

[earth_imperial]

"Dodged twice," she replied, casually. "What about that question makes you so fearful of a direct answer?"

[itstillhurt]

[Immediately, her composure drops, and she snaps again, too loudly, too aggressively.]

I know I'm a monster, I'm not afraid of it!

[... And as soon as she spits that out, her expression seems to suddenly shift, and she scowls at the floor again, muttering more quietly.]

I know what I am.

[earth_imperial]

[And she stirs, standing, facing Azula, hands going behind her back.]

Good, now we're getting somewhere. [she said, the subtle note of the commander of old sliding into place, challenging her.]

Is that what you want to be? A fairy tale monster out of history?

[Her questions came faster, deliberately provoking response.]

Do you want to be the person your parents, your past, made, or the girl who tried to break free on Ember Island?

Oops, didn't even realize I'd habit-bracketed again.

[itstillhurt]

Azula can recognize the posture, the tone, the way Kuvira talks her past resistance by simply speaking to her as an authority figure, demanding a response...

Well. She's starting to see how this woman could have been an effective leader. Unfortunately, recognizing it does nothing to improve Azula's own mental state, doesn't ground her enough to counter the tactic- not that she even knows what she'd be trying to accomplish if she did.

"What I want doesn't matter. People can't change what they are."

[earth_imperial]

"Patently false on the face of it. You're in the room with proof to the contrary. Moreover, you were changed, weren't you?"

She paused, arching an eyebrow.

"Unless you're arguing you were born as you are, that nobody and nothing has altered you."

[itstillhurt]

"You didn't change what you are, you simply changed your mind. You were a driven idealist then, you're a driven idealist now."

She delivers it with a scoff.

"And nobody made me a monster, either."

[earth_imperial]

"Perhaps. But the point is, I made a choice. Even at the end, I made a choice."

She waved her hand, airily.

"You, well. You keep running from it. It must be so tiring, on the mind. Wearing."

So somehow this notif slipped past me and I thought it was still your turn to tag. MY B.

[itstillhurt]

"I can't choose not to be a monster, that's my point."

It's circular. Feeble. Emotional. Pathetic. She knows it sounds pathetic. She sounds like a petulant child.

Frustrating. Another failure. Another of Kuvira's blows makes its mark, exposes a weakness that had already existed, a weakness Azula despises now that she can't pretend it isn't there. It's... 'Tiring' was the word, indeed. And finally, gritting her teeth, resenting the feeling that she's helpless and the feeling that she's giving up too soon in equal measure, she just admits it.

"I don't even know what I would be, if I wasn't."