cabbagesforall | The Meeting [Open to itstillhurt]

The Meeting [Open to itstillhurt]

In the uncertain remnants of the Earth Kingdom - then the Earth Empire and now...now a nascent Republic - the name Kuvira provoked deeply divergent views. For some, she was a traitor. Oh, not for leading an attempt to reunite all the Earth Kingdom's former territories through terrible violence - but for betraying it. For giving it up, for saying she had been wrong. Then there were those who grumbled about how, after all the violence and lives lost, she'd clearly used her family connections to avoid a lifetime in deep, dank cell or a hangman's noose.

Then there was the third group, which thought she'd done the right thing, and were ready to forgive her.

Most of that third group was situated in the towering metal city of Zaofu - seat of the Beifongs. It hadn't been the most welcoming to Azula, for oh so many reasons. Deep suspicion accompanied the entire enterprise - were it not for letters from the Avatar, she might have been turned away.

But, finally, with more than a little concern - she was brought into a small room. It wasn't much of anything, but it was better than a prison cell, certainly. There was a bed, a desk, a bookshelf - not much across the board. The woman at the desk, however, turned as she entered, frowning in confusion.

She stood up, wearing khaki slacks and a green, sleeveless shirt.

"Can...I help you?"

Behold, Kuvira. Once the mightiest warlord in the known world. Now, living a life of house imprisonment.

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"Some of them. The question is - do you believe you're a monster?"

"What a ridiculous question. Everybody who knows me does."

It's not an answer, of course, and she's not sure why she doesn't feel like saying it directly, but something about the question makes her... testy.

"Dodged twice," she replied, casually. "What about that question makes you so fearful of a direct answer?"

[Immediately, her composure drops, and she snaps again, too loudly, too aggressively.]

I know I'm a monster, I'm not afraid of it!

[... And as soon as she spits that out, her expression seems to suddenly shift, and she scowls at the floor again, muttering more quietly.]

I know what I am.

[And she stirs, standing, facing Azula, hands going behind her back.]

Good, now we're getting somewhere. [she said, the subtle note of the commander of old sliding into place, challenging her.]

Is that what you want to be? A fairy tale monster out of history?

[Her questions came faster, deliberately provoking response.]

Do you want to be the person your parents, your past, made, or the girl who tried to break free on Ember Island?

Azula can recognize the posture, the tone, the way Kuvira talks her past resistance by simply speaking to her as an authority figure, demanding a response...

Well. She's starting to see how this woman could have been an effective leader. Unfortunately, recognizing it does nothing to improve Azula's own mental state, doesn't ground her enough to counter the tactic- not that she even knows what she'd be trying to accomplish if she did.

"What I want doesn't matter. People can't change what they are."

"Patently false on the face of it. You're in the room with proof to the contrary. Moreover, you were changed, weren't you?"

She paused, arching an eyebrow.

"Unless you're arguing you were born as you are, that nobody and nothing has altered you."

"You didn't change what you are, you simply changed your mind. You were a driven idealist then, you're a driven idealist now."

She delivers it with a scoff.

"And nobody made me a monster, either."

"Perhaps. But the point is, I made a choice. Even at the end, I made a choice."

She waved her hand, airily.

"You, well. You keep running from it. It must be so tiring, on the mind. Wearing."

"I can't choose not to be a monster, that's my point."

It's circular. Feeble. Emotional. Pathetic. She knows it sounds pathetic. She sounds like a petulant child.

Frustrating. Another failure. Another of Kuvira's blows makes its mark, exposes a weakness that had already existed, a weakness Azula despises now that she can't pretend it isn't there. It's... 'Tiring' was the word, indeed. And finally, gritting her teeth, resenting the feeling that she's helpless and the feeling that she's giving up too soon in equal measure, she just admits it.

"I don't even know what I would be, if I wasn't."

"Then it's time to find out," she replies, evenly. "Because there is always a choice, in every moment. You can pretend otherwise, but it's in your hands."

"So what are my choices, exactly?"

The question is asked flippantly, but it's true that she doesn't know the answer. She's been thinking about it since earlier in the conversation- since the conversation with Korra, even. She doesn't know what she wants. What to want. Without a purpose, without a mission, without some objective to pursue, she was realizing- increasingly- that she had no idea.

She stooped a bit, bringing her face level with Azula's.

"You could be anything," she replied. "You have, for the first time in your life, complete freedom. Which - terrifying, yes, admittedly - but...you could become...a dancer, a scholar, a chef, a scientist. Surely, somewhere in your life, you had a little feeling, a little curiosity: something that you wanted to do that wasn't the pursuit of power."

A dancer? A chef? Instinctively, the idea is repulsive- all these suggestions are beneath her.

Of course, that only proved Kuvira's point. The only things she thought of when she considered what she wanted to do were... pursuits of power. At least in theory. In practice, she had no agenda to serve, no goal to strive for. She could only think of how she wanted to accomplish things, not what she would accomplish. There was nothing left that she wanted.

'You have a niece. Grand-niece, and grand nephew. Your brother wants you to meet them, too.' Her expression sours at the sudden memory, and the thought of that photograph. Meaningless, pointless distraction-

"Pursuing power is all I'm good at. It seems a shame to waste a talent."

"Did you ever think it could be put to better use?" she asked, in reply.

"There is always a need for people trying to help others. Creating structures to provide aid. Keep the powerful accountable. You could become a holy terror to the corrupt."

"So you trust my judgment of who's corrupt and what demands an accounting?"

She gives Kuvira another sneering look.

"Or did you intend for me to be acting on somebody else's judgment after all?"

"I would trust you to have the ability to spot it, yes," she replied, evenly as ever. "Your skills need not be wasted. Just a new purpose substituted for one that has failed. One that you, yourself, get to define. Not a father who couldn't love you, and a mother who couldn't be there for you."

"Me. Independent of any oversight or outside authority. Meddling with authority figures, undermining their power, and reshaping the course of nations, in the name of my own view on what is or isn't worthy."

The brittle smirk comes back.

"That sounds like exactly the sort of behavior that would lead to conflicts with the new Avatar. Even were I c-"

No. Not 'capable.' She doesn't want to get into that argument again.

"Interested in becoming a moral crusader, there are only two people in the world likely to trust my intentions. Somebody will inevitably want to fix a leash to me, even if the pair of you don't."

"And wouldn't that be a challenge worthy of your skills?" she rejoins, easily.

She sat back down, crossing her legs easily and calmly.

"Also, that'd be two more people who trust you and your intentions than you've ever had," she pointed out, with a very slight smile. "So you'd already be ahead of where you were. And this is all just at first blush."

"This is assuming you don't strive to make a clean break, that you want to continue to use some of your extant skills, of course. So you see, possibilities begin to unfold in front of you."

"The last person who tried to conquer the world. What an endorsement."

She sighs. They were dancing around the point, and it was obvious they wouldn't get anywhere until she just admitted the truth she'd only just begun to accept earlier in this conversation. Almost out of habit, she sneers-

"There are possibilities. The trouble is none of them impress me."

After a moment, she speaks again, more quietly, more defeated.

"I don't... know what I want. It's like I don't want anything anymore."

She shrugs.

"Who better to understand?"

But she nods after that.

"As I said, you were trained to be a weapon. An extension of one man's will. Until you confront that, until you deal with that - you'll stay like a marionette with her strings cut. And there are professionals who can help with that."

Mm. That was the wrong thing to mention, and her posture and expression immediately become hostile.

"I tried the whole 'professional help' thing, the food didn't agree with me and the straitjackets were uncomfortable."

She's not sure why, as soon as she says that, her overwhelming feeling is of... disappointment. She feels almost deflated somehow, like she'd been expecting something else.

Which is ridiculous, because she had assumed this was a waste of time walking in, and yet...

"You encountered it then," she replied. "Things are very different now. Not in Ba Sing Se, perhaps, but..."

She casts her eyes over to a wall map, pointing idly.

"There's always Republic City. A bit garish, maybe - but at the cutting edge of pretty much everything. That city is the eventual eclipse of all the old kingdoms, you know. The new world being born. A place for fresh starts, for all sorts."

The hints are obvious, and she means them as such.

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The Meeting [Open to itstillhurt]

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Oops, didn't even realize I'd habit-bracketed again.

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So somehow this notif slipped past me and I thought it was still your turn to tag. MY B.

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